Tag Archives: Nursery Rhymes

How Does Your Garden Grow?



The sign in the flower tent had her name on it. There it was as clear as day, ‘Ms M.Mary – Gold Award – Best In Show’ and underneath it one of the judges had scribbled, “Just like a row of pretty maids.”

She should have felt elated but she didn’t, on the contrary, she felt extremely nervous. She looked around to see if there was any way out of this nightmare but, just as she was making a dash for the exit, a voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Mary! Mary Mary. Congratulations. I didn’t realize what a talented horticulturist you were.”

Mary looked behind her. To her horror she saw Jane Dobson, Chairwoman of the Women’s Institute, local snob and village busybody, bearing down on her.

“I was just talking to some of the ladies on the committee,” said Jane, “I was saying, we must get young Mary Mary to come to our next meeting and tell us the secrets of her hollyhocks.”

Mary felt quite faint. This was her worst nightmare. How on earth could she talk about something that she knew nothing about? They weren’t her hollyhocks. She had so wanted to enter this year’s village flower show but everything she’d tried to grow had just withered and died.

She realized now that it had been a silly  idea to go out to the local B&Q last week and buy some beautiful looking hollyhocks to enter in the show. She never dreamt that they would win.

“You’re certainly a dark horse,” prattled Jane Dobson, “I thought you didn’t like gardening. Why only the other day I’m sure I overheard you telling the Vicar that you couldn’t grow anything. My but you are a contrary one Mary. Whenever I’ve been past your garden it just seems to be full of shells, I’ve never seen any flowers.”

“Well, yes, but no, you see ………” stammered Mary.

“That’s it!” interrupted Jane Dobson, “That’s what we shall call your talk – ‘Mary Mary Quite Contrary, How Does Your Garden Grow?’ – splendid, we look forward to hearing what you’ve got to say. Will a week on Wednesday be OK?”


The Dumpty Murder


“Now look here Goldilocks, I’m getting fed up with all this time wasting. You’re not doing yourself any favours. I’m telling you things are not looking good for you. Tell us what happened and I promise I’ll put in a good word with the judge, see if I can get you a lighter sentence.”

“Yeah, like I’m going to believe that. I ain’t saying nothing ’til my brief gets here and you can’t make me.”

“Goldilocks. I’ve got witnesses who will swear they saw you at both places. On the wall at the barracks on Wednesday and in the woods late Thursday afternoon.”

“Hang on a minute! OK, I admit I was in the woods on Thursday. It was me that ate the porridge and broke that baby bear’s stupid chair but I was nowhere near the barracks on Wednesday. There’s no way you’re pinning the Dumpty murder on me.”


He Marched Them Up To The Top Of The Hill


“Sarge, why are we marching up this hill?”

“‘Cos that’s our orders Tompkins and when you’re in the army you obey orders. Believe it or not Private Tompkins, the old Duke don’t need to consult with you before he makes his decisions, so stop whining and keep moving.”

The wind howled, the skies blackened and the heavy rain made the going tough, but the ten thousand soldiers carried on marching until they reached the top of the hill. Only then was the order given to stop.

By now the storm was at its worst. The gale force wind was blowing the rain straight at them. Men huddled together tying to get some protection from the elements. Then, just audible above the growing noise of the storm, they heard the sergeant’s voice,

“Right men, grab your kit, pick up your rifles, turn around and let’s get going.”

“But Sarge we’ve only just got here. Why are we heading back down again? Where are we going?”

“You at it again Tompkins? Where do you think we’re going, sunny, bloody Blackpool? We’re going back down this hill, just like we’ve been told to. Now, stop your moaning and get marching.”


Jack and Jill

jack-and-hillWhatever you do Nellie, don’t let go of that hose pipe. It’s taken me ages to straighten it out and get that water running. We need to get this well of ours filled as quick as we can. I’ve just had a text from a young couple down the hill, says they saw the advert about our special water and want to try it out. I laid it on a bit thick. Told them there’s been a big demand but that we’d keep some back for them. Silly buggers believed every word. Names are Jack and Jill and they’ve ordered two pails, one each. They’re on their way up. When they get here, leave me to do the talking. Wonder what we should charge them?


‘The Wrong One’ – A 50 Word Story

As usual, a great set of prompts this week from ‘Inspiration Monday’. This week, as an extra challenge, Stephanie has suggested we might try writing our story in just 50 words, so here goes. The prompt I went for was ‘Wrong Victim’.

The Wrong One

“You’ve done what?”

“Weren’t my fault boss. You said, take out the big guy watching the soldiers.”

“Idiot! I meant the Grand Old Duke of York, him on the horse, not that egg-head Dumpty.  What’s the Fairy Godmother going to say when she hears about this?  God help us.”



‘Little Red Riding Hood’ – A 100 Word Story For Friday Fictioneers

My contribution to the long list of 100 word stories from fellow Friday Fictioneers in response to this week’s photo prompt.


Little Red Riding Hood

“I’m telling you Red, this is the perfect place to dump the body, it’ll be days before it’s found.”

Little Red Riding Hood looked across at Wolf and smiled. Having watched him in action she had no illusions as to how dangerous he was. Hiring him to get rid of Grandma though had been an astute move on her part. He’d been expensive but worth it. She was now a very wealthy young woman.

The trouble was he now wanted more. She fingered the gun hidden in her cloak. He was right of course, this really was a perfect spot.


‘Jack & Jill’ – A 33 Word Story For Trifextra

For this weekend’s Trifextra prompt the 33 word needs to include the following – ‘Tether, Crown, Loft’

bandagesJack & Jill

Saw everything from my loft I did. Jack trying to tether his mule, Jill, to that well. She wasn’t happy, gave him such a kick, sent him tumbling. Silly bugger’s broke his crown.