Tag Archives: Flowers

How Does Your Garden Grow?



The sign in the flower tent had her name on it. There it was as clear as day, ‘Ms M.Mary – Gold Award – Best In Show’ and underneath it one of the judges had scribbled, “Just like a row of pretty maids.”

She should have felt elated but she didn’t, on the contrary, she felt extremely nervous. She looked around to see if there was any way out of this nightmare but, just as she was making a dash for the exit, a voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Mary! Mary Mary. Congratulations. I didn’t realize what a talented horticulturist you were.”

Mary looked behind her. To her horror she saw Jane Dobson, Chairwoman of the Women’s Institute, local snob and village busybody, bearing down on her.

“I was just talking to some of the ladies on the committee,” said Jane, “I was saying, we must get young Mary Mary to come to our next meeting and tell us the secrets of her hollyhocks.”

Mary felt quite faint. This was her worst nightmare. How on earth could she talk about something that she knew nothing about? They weren’t her hollyhocks. She had so wanted to enter this year’s village flower show but everything she’d tried to grow had just withered and died.

She realized now that it had been a silly  idea to go out to the local B&Q last week and buy some beautiful looking hollyhocks to enter in the show. She never dreamt that they would win.

“You’re certainly a dark horse,” prattled Jane Dobson, “I thought you didn’t like gardening. Why only the other day I’m sure I overheard you telling the Vicar that you couldn’t grow anything. My but you are a contrary one Mary. Whenever I’ve been past your garden it just seems to be full of shells, I’ve never seen any flowers.”

“Well, yes, but no, you see ………” stammered Mary.

“That’s it!” interrupted Jane Dobson, “That’s what we shall call your talk – ‘Mary Mary Quite Contrary, How Does Your Garden Grow?’ – splendid, we look forward to hearing what you’ve got to say. Will a week on Wednesday be OK?”


Flower Things


“Any idea what it is Captain?”

“It’s a flower, sir. According to our database it’s a ‘fuchsia magellanica’ and was first discovered on the Caribbean islands of …”

“Enough Captain! Are there more of these ‘flower’ things?”

“They’re everywhere, sir. The whole planet is covered in flowers of all shapes and sizes.”

“Do the things serve any purpose?”

“They are often grown for their beauty, sir.”

“They think they’re beautiful! My God! These Earthling really are a backward race. Anything else?”

“Yes sir, apparently these flowers are also a benefit to a great number of insects.”

“Insects? What the hell are ‘insects’?”

“They are a small arthropod animals that have six legs and generally one or two pairs of wings, sir.”

“Enough! As far as I can see, Captain, neither these flower objects or these insect creatures are of any use at all. I want the place cleared of them. Send in your men and cleanse the entire planet of anything living. While they’re at it Captain, your men might as well dispose of the Earthlings as well, I can’t see that we will have any need of them either. I’ll be in my quarters, wake me when it’s done.”


A story for this week’s prompt at Sunday Photo Fiction.