Posted in Stories

Life’s A Bitch



“How’s it going Billy? Not seen you for a while, been away on holiday?

“Kind of Jimmy. Not so much a holiday, more what you might call an experience.”

“Sounds a bit exotic mate. Where was it then? Some desert island in the sun?

“If I tell you Jimmy, will you promise not to tell anyone. I wouldn’t want my Maggie finding out.”

“Of course mate. My lips are sealed. Go on then, where have you been?”

“Planet Zong, Jimmy. I’ve spent the last week on a far flung planet called  Zong.”

“Planet Zong? That’s a new one on me Billy. What is it? One of those posh new theme parks? Next you’ll be telling me it was all expenses paid and you were waited on, hand and foot, by delectable young maidens. You weren’t were you? Waited on, hand and foot, by delectable young maidens, I mean?”

“Well, sort of. Ii all started when I was walking home from the pub last Friday. I was half way across the park when this spaceship landed right next to the bowling green Next thing I knew I was being abducted  by aliens.”

“Oh yeah. So what were they like these aliens? Bright green with no eyes and long slimy fingers?”

“Don’t be daft Jimmy, you’re getting mixed up with the inhabitants of Planet Xedo. These aliens were from Zong. The whole planet is inhabited by tall, beautiful, sexy young women. They wanted to study a male Earthling and chose me.”

“Go on! So what did they do to you?”

“Sorry mate I can’t tell you, they made me promise. All I’ll say was I could have stayed there forever, it was fantastic.”

“So why didn’t you mate? If it was that wonderful, why did you come back?”

“Had no choice Jimmy. My library books are due back tomorrow and I’ve an appointment with the chiropodist on Wednesday. The girls were devastated. They begged me not to leave. But what could I do? Last thing I needed was a library fine hanging over my head.”

“That’s life for you mate, at times it can be a right bitch.”




Now that I'm retired I have more time to devote to writing my blog and creating short stories.

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