Posted in Drabbles

A Bolt Of Lightning

 

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“Are you sure about this Billy?”

“I’m telling you mate, it’ll be a doddle. We climb this old tree, nick the lead off the roof and then disappear.”

“But Billy, it’s a church.”

“So what. You expecting a bolt of lightning from above or something? Come on, we’ll be long gone before anyone realises it’s missing.”

The tree watched the two young men and smiled, it had been such a long time, bolts of lightning were the least of their worries.  As the official guardian of the church, it had the right to devour any one it thought a threat.

MikeJackson©2013

An interesting photo prompt for this week’s Friday Fictioneer.

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Author:

Now that I'm retired I have more time to devote to writing my blog and creating short stories.

24 thoughts on “A Bolt Of Lightning

  1. I enjoyed your story. If you’re not interested in criticism please disregard (or delete) the rest of this comment. Though I enjoyed it, I think it would pack more of a punch without the final sentence. There really isn’t a strong need to explain why the tree will devour them. The last sentence, to me anyway, draws the mind away from the impending doom about to befall these two and pushes it toward wondering the background of how the tree came to be the church’s guardian, which doesn’t seem to be the point of the story.

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    1. Thanks for your comments Adam. Glad you enjoyed the story.
      I wouldn’t dream of deleting any part of your comment as I welcome ideas from fellow writers. I did wonder about that final line, though I’m not sure deleting it completely would necessarily be the way forward. It does, however need working on. I feel it might be a bit clunky. It will be interesting to see what others think.
      Thanks again for the feedback – much appreciated.

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  2. I loved this. And I’m going to sit on the fence about the last line – I’m not sure you need guardian of the church but I love the image conjured up by the word ‘devour’ it’s such a strong word with such a grisly meaning. Perhaps just a tweak to the line will do.

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  3. Enjoyed this. The tree comes across as ‘benignly evil’ if you can have such a concept, so I think ‘devour’ might be a bit strong for the piece. But very atmospheric.

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I look forward to reading your comments

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