The Hospital Bed – Day 3

Stephanie over at ‘BeKindRewrite‘ is once again hosting ‘Voice Week’ – “Voice Week is an experimental writing challenge to help us stretch our versatility in voice and tone. Each Voice Week participant writes five versions of the same story – from five different points of view. Then, October 1 through 5, we post, compare, sharpen, and grow.”

Here is my 100 word story for Day 3 and my third voice.

 

The Hospital Bed

I’ll stand back here, by the door, I don’t want to intrude. I’m lucky they’ve let me visit him really, what with me not being family. Most of them wouldn’t even notice I’m here. I’m a nobody as far as they’re concerned. Even though I’ve been Jimmy’s, sorry Mr. Jones’, PA for the last five years, I bet half of them don’t even know my name. The thing is, it should be me sitting by the side of him, holding his hand. It was me that he loved, not that silly, money grabbing, bitch of a wife.

MikeJackson©2012

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “The Hospital Bed – Day 3

  1. Secret love affair! And this one actually loves Mr. Jones..
    Darker and more twisted than I thought…
    Wonder what’s in the dying man’s will!

  2. Ah, so the one who knows him best really loves him! Mayhaps the PA will inherit the estate? This unobtrusive,yet deep-down righteously angry personality contrasts nicely with the others.

  3. if this is all in her head, would she correct herself? Especially if she loves him as she does.
    A small typo I think: The thing is, it should be me sat by the side of him, holding his hand.

    Shouldn’t it be: The thing is, it should be me sitting beside him, holding his hand.

    1. Hi Carrie, thanks for your comments (and the heads up about the typo – now corrected)
      When I wrote that bit about her correcting herself I wasn’t sure if it sat right for the reasons you put forward. I think in my head I was trying to get across her feeling intimidated, almost an unimportant person, when she’s in their company.

  4. I like the underlying anguish of this character. She hides by the door and bitches to herself, but doesn’t stand up to the others. Another great perspecitve, Mike.

    1. Thanks for your comments Raina.
      Five days is not enough – I could do with another five to get round to some of the other characters I can picture in the room.

  5. I had to go back and read this voice a second time and, you know what? I still feel as if it’s a man’s thoughts- which is even more intriguing than if it is a woman, which seems to be the case. Either way, it is a great contrast to the other voices.

    1. Thanks for your comments Paul.
      I also went and read this again and this voice as a man does add intrigue, even if it’s intrigue I didn’t intend.

I look forward to reading your comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s