The Hospital Bed – Day 2

Stephanie over at ‘BeKindRewrite‘ is once again hosting ‘Voice Week’ – “Voice Week is an experimental writing challenge to help us stretch our versatility in voice and tone. Each Voice Week participant writes five versions of the same story – from five different points of view. Then, October 1 through 5, we post, compare, sharpen, and grow.”

Here is my 100 word story for Day 2 and my second voice.

 

The Hospital Bed

Poor old Mr. Jones. I feel as if I’ve got to know him over the last six weeks, talking to him every day while I washed him and changed his sheets. Mind you I don’t think he’s heard a word of it.  His wife seems nice, though she’s very young, I thought it was his daughter at first.  Can’t say I’ve been over impressed with some of his other visitors though. That young lad for example, the nephew I think he is, nasty piece of work that one. Someone said Mr. Jones has got lots of money. It’ll be no use to him where he’s going.

MikeJackson©2012

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19 thoughts on “The Hospital Bed – Day 2

  1. Now this is a fascinating layer of perspective. We want to believe this kind staff member’s opinion of Jones and wife, but embedded in the piece are clues rather confirming the first story. “I FEEL I’ve gotten to know him,” though “I don’t think he’s heard a word of it.” And “his wife SEEMS nice.” And so on. Quite well done.

  2. I like this outside look from someone who hasn’t known him before he was sick. Illness makes such a difference to a character, how they behave and react. And of course how others act around them

  3. The down to earth approach of a nurse/carer – she sees through the veneer of the visitors. She’s seen it all before. Just waiting

  4. Nice follow-up! I like the contrast between this voice and the last (who it now seems was the nephew, correct?). I’m sensing a genuine, insightful person with this voice — my guess is an older woman, perhaps a home-care nurse or carer.

    And now I’m hoping to see the wife’s voice — curious to see if her feelings for poor Mr Jones are authentic, or if her internal voice paints her as Little Miss Golddigger. 😉

  5. Outsider, yes, but with a drop more compassion than the previous voice – and she’s probably seen a lot of sick people. I’m looking forward to how this develops…

  6. I feel like we’ve taken a step up the social ladder, though maybe only a small step. This character seems slightly better educated and definitely more caring. Good choice of a more neutral voice to make the scene more real.

I look forward to reading your comments

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