Posted in Flash Fiction

The Hospital Bed – Day 1

Stephanie over at ‘BeKindRewrite‘ is once again hosting ‘Voice Week’“Voice Week is an experimental writing challenge to help us stretch our versatility in voice and tone. Each Voice Week participant writes five versions of the same story – from five different points of view. Then, October 1 through 5, we post, compare, sharpen, and grow.”

Here is my 100 word story for Day 1 and my first voice.

 

The Hospital Bed

Look at them, stood round his bed as if they cared. All that sniffling, those crocodile tears, makes me want to puke. When he was fit and healthy they all hated the bastard, now he’s at death’s door, they can’t keep away. The sooner they switch off that bloody life support machine the better. Can’t think what’s stopping them, it’s not like he’s going to make some sort of miraculous recovery. His brains knackered, so let’s get it over and done with and move on. The sooner Uncle Jimmy’s in the ground the sooner I get my hands on his money.

MikeJackson©2012

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Author:

Now that I'm retired I have more time to devote to writing my blog and creating short stories.

22 thoughts on “The Hospital Bed – Day 1

  1. You have a knack for making me like people I shouldn’t. I like the fact that this guy (feels like a guy to me) doesn’t fake grief like the others do. He may just want the guy’s money, but at least he’s honest about it. Nice work! Can’t wait for tomorrow.

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    1. Thanks for your comments. It’s a hectic week for me this week and I’m not at home much but will endeavour to post a voice a day. Might just take me a little longer to catch up with the others.

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  2. This is great; a really powerful voice to kick-start the week. I like the brutal honesty in his (I’m guessing male, but I could be wrong, which is all part of the fun!) narration.

    Nicely done! I look forward to reading the other voices. 🙂

    Like

  3. The perils of rich and lonely?
    I don’t like the protagonist… He is pure evil!
    Maybe people around the dying man are pretending, but at least he will not die thinking he is alone… Though I’d like to give the benefit of doubt to some of the people surrounding Uncle Jimmy. Maybe some of them actually had a change of heart?

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  4. A very powerful voice. I need someone like this in my story. Why am I liking this guy? He’s no one I would ever warm up to in real life but as a character in a novel, pure gold!

    Like

I look forward to reading your comments

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