Breaking News …… Santa To Retire

Santa’s Retirement

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all was still, except in the Claus household, where things were less than harmonious.

“I’ve had enough,” said a disgruntled Santa, “I just can’t do it anymore. Kids nowadays, their lists are getting longer and the presents they want are so expensive. It’s all iPhones and iPads, nobody wants a wooden train set any more or a sweet little doll that closes its eyes. So I’m going on strike.”

“Don’t be silly dear,” said Mrs. Claus, looking up from her knitting, “you know you can’t do that. Now just stop being an old grump and get you coat on. Rudolph and the others will be wondering where you are.”

“I mean it Edith, I’ve had enough. This year I’m not going. They can all go without.”

“Oh dear Santa, what am I going to do with you? You really are getting to be a silly old man. I suppose if you refuse to go I will have to go in your place. Give me the keys to the sleigh and I’ll be off.”

Santa threw the keys on to the coffee table with a disgruntled sigh. At least this way she would have more idea about what he was going on about. Just wait until she’s done a full night of delivering and see what she has to say then, he thought.

Edith returned much earlier than he’d expected. He smiled, no doubt she was finding it too hard and was coming to beg him to give her a hand.

“Having problems my dear,” he said, “What would you like me to do to help?”

“Problems Santa? I don’t know what you mean. I’ve finished. I’m not sure what it is that you make such a fuss about each year. It was easy, once I got Rudolf and the others properly organised we had the whole job finished in no time at all.”

“Finished! You can’t have done? Are you sure you haven’t missed anybody out?”

“Quite sure. In fact I even had time to stop off at the BBC on the way home and tell them about your retirement.”

“Retirement! What retirement?”

“Why don’t you turn the telly on love, it will probably be on the early morning news.”

Santa turned on the TV just in time to catch the news announcer saying,

“…….. and we’ve some breaking news just coming in. It would appear that Santa Claus is retiring. His wife Mrs. Edith Claus told our reporter that he was getting too old and grumpy and so was stepping down. Before anyone out there gets worried that this might mean the end of Christmas, Mrs. Claus was keen to assure us that Christmas would be carrying on.

It appears that she is taking on the new role. She explained that there would be some changes made to bring the whole business into the 21st century. The event will still be called Christmas but there would need to be some fundamental changes. The main ones being:

  1. Instead of Father Christmas she wants to be known as Grandma Christmas.
  2. There will be a new outfit. That red coat and hat is far too old-fashioned. The design of the new outfit will be announced early in the New Year to allow time for replica outfits to be made.
  3. In the future all letters to Grandma Christmas need to be sent electronically. There are plans for her to have her own blog, Facebook page and Twitter account.
  4. For Health and Safety reasons the new Grandma Christmas will not be clambering down chimneys. It will be down to each household to ensure that adequate alternatives are available.

Well that’s it, breaking news from the BBC this Christmas morning, Santa Claus to take early retirement ……..

“But I don’t want to retire. What on earth am I going to do with myself?”

“Don’t worry dear, I’ve got the very job for you, it won’t involve any late nights and it means you will still have an important role to play in the company. I’m going to put you in charge of the reindeer.”



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