Posted in Other Poems, Poetry

Unrequited Love – A Ghazal

My dingy flat covered in photos of you
Taken from a distance – you never knew.

Expensive presents  delivered to your door
All sent with love – you never knew.

I watched over you every night
Hidden in the shadows below – you never knew.

Then I saw you with him, so happy
You hurt me so much – you never knew.

Your deception destroyed our love
I had such plans – you never knew.

I came to tell you it’s all over
The knife moved so quickly – you never knew.

This is my attempt at Ghazal – an intriguing form of poetry I’d never heard of before. The challenge was set over at dVerse Poets Pub by John who gave us a great description of the form and how we might go about writing one.

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Author:

Now that I'm retired I have more time to devote to writing my blog and creating short stories.

32 thoughts on “Unrequited Love – A Ghazal

    1. Thanks for your comments Claudia.
      I know I’ve not nailed this by any stretch of the imagination – but I found it a challenge and enjoyable.
      Having read other great examples I now feel I ought to go back and make changes.

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    1. Thanks for your kind words.
      Trying different forms is great fun. My problem is that, once I’ve read others, I want to go back and start from scratch with mine. Part of the learning journey I suppose.

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  1. “My dingy flat covered in photos of you
    Taken from a distance – you never knew.” = what an opener. Wow! Says it all from the start, and yet I couldn’t stop reading. Excellent work.

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    1. Many thanks – glad you enjoyed it.
      I’m finding these different forms of poetry that I keep coming across absolutely fascinating and a real challenge.
      The only regret is that it is a distraction from the short story writing.

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  2. Chilling – the urban stalker, fascinates and repels. Your piece certainly explores that “dark side” of love known as stalking obsession. As far as I can see you meet most of the elements we’re learning here. I’d like to read what John has to say, but I think this is a very worthy and well executed attempt at the form. Thank you for writing and linking with us! Gay

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  3. I really like this…am not one to critique, since I don’t know my way around poetry, but for me
    it had a nice flow, I like the refrain that was repeated…and the surprise ending…great write
    and great read.
    ☮ Siggi in Downeast Maine

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    1. Thank you for your supportive comments Siggi.
      Glad you enjoyed it.
      I’m new to poetry and still very much feeling my way round but very much enjoying myself as I go.

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  4. Hi, my feedback is based on these five factors starting from a traditional perspective but also looking at modern developments. I draw on Agha Shahid Ali’s, chapter from An Exaltation of forms (Ed Finch and Varnes). This is a poem of his based on the traditional rules. http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/172051

    1) Association
    One of the key factors of the form – traditional or modern is that the couplets need to be based as it were on variations on a theme. And stand alone as the order should not matter. Here they do as you construct a narrative tale where the order matters.

    2) Theme
    The first couplet usually sets out the theme of the poem, which seems to be about yearning but of its dark destructive side rather than romantic longing.

    3) Couplets
    Nice set of couplets without enjambment. Some enjambment occurs in the modern forms but as the exception in the poem rather than the norm. You don’t refer or hint at the narrator/writer in the last couplet/two lines.

    4) Rhyme and refrain
    In the classical tradition, the opening couplet would set the refrain and internal rhyme in the first and second line. Then in the rest of the couplets the refrain and internal rhyme would be on the second line. You use a consistent refrain but no internal rhyme

    5) Metre
    Not too sure of the strategy here as the line count varied over the couplets.

    In short, it has some features of a ghazal but it’s more a film noir tale that uses couplets. However its theme if used in the style of the poem linked above would be a very interesting take on the form.

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    1. Thanks for your informative and constructive comments John.
      I have thoroughly enjoyed this challenge and have learnt so much from reading the work of others and the comments that go with them.
      I’m sure I will be better prepared next time I have a go at a ghazal.

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    1. Thank you for your comments Sheila – glad you enjoyed it.
      The ghazal form was difficult and hopefully, with lots of practice, I might eventually get better at it.

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I look forward to reading your comments

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