Posted in Stories

Doing The Unmentionable

“I’ve done it, Billy!”

“Done what mate?”

“You know, ‘it’. I’ve only gone and done it!”

“No idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do Billy. It was that thing we were talking about last week. You know that thing that we weren’t supposed to be talking about. The ‘unmentionable’ thing.”

“Oh that. So you’ve really done it have you. The thing we talked about but are not allowed to mention. You’ve actually done it?”

“I really have. Last night it was. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, then, last night I just made up my mind I was going to do it.”

“How do I know you really did do it last night?”

“What do you mean Billy. I’m telling you last night I did the unmentionable.”

“It’s dead easy for you to say that but how do I know for sure. Where’s your proof? Was anybody there to witness you doing it? Have you got any photos? Did someone take a video and post it on YouTube?”

“Course not Billy. I mean, it’s not something you’re going to do in front of a crowd, is it?”

“So, what makes you think I’m going to believe you? Were you on your own?”

“Course I wasn’t on my own Billy. You can’t do it, you know, the unmentionable on your own, can you? It’s just not possible, is it?”

“So, who was with you then. Who did you do the unmentionable with then?”

“You won’t laugh if I tell you, Billy? Promise?’

“Course I won’t laugh. So, go on then, who was with you when you did it?”


“Mary! What, greasy Mary from Class 5? You must be joking. You really did it with Mary! I just can’t believe that!”

“I couldn’t help it, Billy. There was nobody else. It had to be Mary.”

“And she was quite happy to do it with you was she?”

“Well, sort of. I had to persuade her a bit. She only agreed if I promised to pay her.”

“Pay her! You had to pay Greasy Mary. How much?”


“£5! You paid Greasy Mary out of Class 5, £5! You must be mad. Anyway, what was it like?”

“Well, you know when we talked about it last week around the back of the bike shed, you said it wouldn’t hurt. Well, that’s not true, it did hurt.”

“It can’t have done.”

“It did. I paid Mary my £5 and then stood there with my eyes shut like what you told me to. Then Mary kissed me on my lips, it was horrible. So horrible I pushed her away and she fell in the nettles. Anyway, she ran home and told her dad I’d hit her. He told my dad and my dad gave me a good hiding for hitting girls. I’m not doing the unmentionable thing again, no way. I tell you Billy kissing girls is expensive and painful.”


Another short story from this week’s great ‘Inspiration Monday’ writing prompts.



Now that I'm retired I have more time to devote to writing my blog and creating short stories.

15 thoughts on “Doing The Unmentionable

  1. very sweet Mike, and great dialogue, which took your mind one way (just me? 😉 ) and dragged you back to sweetness at the end. … Made me remember my first kiss, behind the primary school front door, egged on by my best friend and her little boyfriend, (who I secretly liked better than his best friend who i kissed, but only after they’d both done the unmentionable deed, and broke my little heart) … Sigh!! xPenx


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